Why somatic therapy is for you and for almost everyone
We have a saying at ioēs, “Life wounds, inevitably”. This is not a fatalistic philosophy of life but rather a deep acknowledgement that we will be hurt throughout our experience of life. As a result of this, trauma, which literally means wound, is part of life.
Trauma is now often defined as any deeply stressful or overwhelming event or pattern that has a significant impact on our physical and mental well-being. These significant effects can result from abandonment or neglect, bullying, harassment, the death of a parent or sibling, divorce, estrangement or separation from family, natural disasters, physical, emotional, mental or sexual abuse, poverty or war.
But, it is important to note that trauma isn’t necessarily the event or circumstance itself. It’s the way the organism responds to the event or circumstance (something that, as with other topics discussed above, is often a largely unconscious process). I’ll write more about trauma and how it relates to our philosophy at ioēs in the future, speaking specifically to our preference for the word wounding for a number of reasons, including the way the word itself suggests a capacity to heal by inviting attention and care over time.
One framing I like to add to this common definition relates to “not having your needs met”. Human beings have particularly complex needs. This process of moving through life without our core needs being met is often downplayed, yet can be equally as painful and thus traumatic for the individual.
So when clients say, “but nothing really bad happened to me”, I use this framing to explain that as humans, our first need is to feel safe, nurtured and accepted. If that need wasn’t met, for example because of parental neglect (even subtle), rejection or inconsistent care, shaming or a lack of positive reinforcement, difficult or confusing family dynamics, being held too loosely or too tightly, and any environmental event or circumstance that felt unsafe or unpredictable, then this feeling of not being safe, accepted or appropriately cared for, can leave a mark on your nervous system, just as a ‘traumatic experience’ does.
This nuance explains something people often don’t realise: our early life experiences are the seed of core (often unhelpful or untrue) beliefs and nervous system patterns (different forms of dysregulation). Even if a person hasn’t had an experience or lived through a circumstance that fits into the “trauma” box, their nervous system has been shaped. A nervous system that doesn’t know safety or didn’t feel enough safety is a nervous system wired for danger, threat and / or (over)protection.
This isn’t a problem per se. And that’s actually good news. It’s an adaptation. This is an indication of a perfectly healthy nervous system responding to the world in ways that are necessary for survival. But adaptations are good, right? Not always. It’s a bit more complex. Something that starts off as an adaptation, a response that seeks to anticipate and avoid a certain kind of threat for example, can become increasingly maladaptive when carried from early childhood into adulthood.
When this adaptation starts becoming maladaptive, most simply meaning it no longer serves the person because the context has shifted or they have grown and developed new capacities, the maladaptation can show up as physical symptoms, such as chronic pain, constant bracing or muscle tension, or anxiety. They can also show up as feeling overwhelmed, disconnected or numb, overthinking, incessant worrying and all kinds of fear thoughts. They may also show up through behavioural patterns like engaging in unhealthy relationships, having a hard time receiving love, opening up or being vulnerable, constant self-shaming or negative self-talk, people pleasing and hyper-independence.
You’ve got the power
More good news for you, however. Everything that’s learned can be unlearned. Anything trained can be retrained. It’s crucial to understand this. To understand that we are fully capable of rewiring our nervous system and teaching it safety. To know that we are not stuck. Let me repeat this to you directly.
You are not stuck!
You can learn how to develop a nervous system that can fluidly and accurately move from one state to another. From stress to calm. From threat to safety. From protection to connection. You can learn to create the foundation for a healthier, more authentic, emotionally attuned and capable version of yourself.
With all that said, I want to briefly acknowledge the tremendous failures of the system we live and grew up in. A system that prioritises various activities that erode dignity, harm our planetary system, disconnect and disenfranchise communities, and so much more (Nate and I will write more about the anthropogenic drivers of health crises in the future, which will include more targeted analysis of the way these complex and problematic system dynamics shape who we are, often for the worse).
When talking about these big environmental failures that are largely outside of our control, which in a smaller and more intimately relevant way includes our childhood, I like to remind myself and my clients of the power and control (the right type of power and control) we do still have. We each have the agency to fully, consciously and courageously inhabit our minded bodies and positively shape the whole of who we are. Through this process of learning how to consciously shape who we are we have the potential to bring about a better world. A world where we are overall healthier, more deeply connected, more existentially enlivened, and far more capable of facing life’s stress.
The question is, are you ready to take back your power?
If you are, somatic therapy is for you!
With love,
Esther
